We didn't make it to the adoption course this Saturday. Peter was not ready and he acted out in all sorts of negative ways playing error upon error. I could have gone myself but you can't make a first impression twice and I was not aware of his feelings.
I've got to be careful I don't plow ahead with something that we both can't be on board with. I hope next Saturday is different.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
You've Got to Believe
I go and check out the website (check). It's true, they exist. I read some of the stories. There is drama, adjustment problems and lots of love. I feel I belong here.
I call up and speak to another wonderful woman named Patrica. I explain I'm new. She tells me that I must take a course a 10 week course with my husband that will prepare us for our journey. I'm so glad to hear this. I would have it no other way. I can interface with other parents get advice and maybe make some friends.
I sign up and will be attending my first class on Feb. 21st/09 in the west village. I just missed the first session but I can make that up later.
When Peter gets home I tell him about the course. "Ok", he says. "I'll go".
God is good!!! I'm having the best Valentines Week in the world!!!!!
I call up and speak to another wonderful woman named Patrica. I explain I'm new. She tells me that I must take a course a 10 week course with my husband that will prepare us for our journey. I'm so glad to hear this. I would have it no other way. I can interface with other parents get advice and maybe make some friends.
I sign up and will be attending my first class on Feb. 21st/09 in the west village. I just missed the first session but I can make that up later.
When Peter gets home I tell him about the course. "Ok", he says. "I'll go".
God is good!!! I'm having the best Valentines Week in the world!!!!!
I make the Call
I read the adoption packets but it's all geared toward adopting younger children. I wait a couple of days and decide to call. I call the adoption center at 718 488 5405. I speak to a wonderful woman named Margarette. I tell her I want to adopt a young adult. She informs me that there will be background checks, fingerprint runs, financial reports. I'm not where I want to be financially but I figure if I wait for everything to be just perfect I'll never get started. I hang up the phone.
A minute later I get a call. It's Margarette for the agency. She tells me that one of my kids. She actually said that my kids, like she knew something. I find that encouraging and I like the sound of it. My kids. She tells me that one of my kids, David does not want to be adopted. But the other two are still waiting. She also gives me a number to the agency on Coney Island called "You've got to Believe". I'm informed that they'll direct me from there and they specialize in the adoption of older children.
I take the number down. I'm in the middle of the street. Thank god I had a pen and a piece of paper towel . I'm keeping that paper towel as a memento. I decide to call when I get back home.
It bothers me that David does not want to be adopted, but somehow I know deep down he does. Don't ask me how I know. I already wrote him a letter so he's not going to wiggle out of this one. And strange but I completely understand how he feels. He's tired of rejection he's just had enough.
A minute later I get a call. It's Margarette for the agency. She tells me that one of my kids. She actually said that my kids, like she knew something. I find that encouraging and I like the sound of it. My kids. She tells me that one of my kids, David does not want to be adopted. But the other two are still waiting. She also gives me a number to the agency on Coney Island called "You've got to Believe". I'm informed that they'll direct me from there and they specialize in the adoption of older children.
I take the number down. I'm in the middle of the street. Thank god I had a pen and a piece of paper towel . I'm keeping that paper towel as a memento. I decide to call when I get back home.
It bothers me that David does not want to be adopted, but somehow I know deep down he does. Don't ask me how I know. I already wrote him a letter so he's not going to wiggle out of this one. And strange but I completely understand how he feels. He's tired of rejection he's just had enough.
God and I talk
I want all the kids. I want to take them all at least a dozen. I've got to decide what I have and what I need to make this happen and so I pray.
I tell God about my plan and I wait and thing and feel. I'm elated, I'm excited the idea. I, me, Kay could be a mom. Me... a mom? The whole idea makes me feel stronger. I did not realize how severe a void was made in my life by not having any family of my own. I didn't know that this darkness could become light, my light and I could have the privilege to grow my family into a loving and nurturing unit.
I like the idea of adopting adult children. I like the idea that the adoption is symbiotic. They have to choose me as well, so that "we" are choosing one another to become a family unit.
God and I make our plans. We talk about how I must make enough money with my company to buy the building I live in or something similar. We talk about how I'll convert one apartment to a family room, one for dining and then take four others to house three kids each. That's twelve kids. I don't know how we arrived on twelve but it seems like a good number.
I also mention this discussion to Peter. At first the answer is "no", but then he gets jazzed about the idea. He starts to plan with me and God.
I tell God about my plan and I wait and thing and feel. I'm elated, I'm excited the idea. I, me, Kay could be a mom. Me... a mom? The whole idea makes me feel stronger. I did not realize how severe a void was made in my life by not having any family of my own. I didn't know that this darkness could become light, my light and I could have the privilege to grow my family into a loving and nurturing unit.
I like the idea of adopting adult children. I like the idea that the adoption is symbiotic. They have to choose me as well, so that "we" are choosing one another to become a family unit.
God and I make our plans. We talk about how I must make enough money with my company to buy the building I live in or something similar. We talk about how I'll convert one apartment to a family room, one for dining and then take four others to house three kids each. That's twelve kids. I don't know how we arrived on twelve but it seems like a good number.
I also mention this discussion to Peter. At first the answer is "no", but then he gets jazzed about the idea. He starts to plan with me and God.
My Husband
My husband has an odd reaction to change. The first word out of his mouth is "NO.". One time I surprised him by bringing a kitten home from the Pound. When I presented the little black fur ball her said and I quote. "If that thing shits on me he's out". So the little black kitten proceeded to get up on his lap, take a little snooze and shit on him. That was ten years ago and Matisse as my husband Peter named him, still sits on his lap.
I can't however spring adoption on my partner. This has got to be a solid decision made by both parties or my kids will suffer and I'm not having them suffer any more than they already have.
My strategy is to visit the Wednesday's Child website in the evening and look at the pictures and read about the kids. By the time we got to the end of the list both of us were in tears, for ourselves and for the kids.
You've got to understand that Peter and I had put the idea or ever having any children out of our minds. This was a new door. A new door and both of us needed to adjust before we moved to the next step.
I can't however spring adoption on my partner. This has got to be a solid decision made by both parties or my kids will suffer and I'm not having them suffer any more than they already have.
My strategy is to visit the Wednesday's Child website in the evening and look at the pictures and read about the kids. By the time we got to the end of the list both of us were in tears, for ourselves and for the kids.
You've got to understand that Peter and I had put the idea or ever having any children out of our minds. This was a new door. A new door and both of us needed to adjust before we moved to the next step.
Step One
I am starting this blog so that the teenagers I adopt will be able to read about how I found them...and how...they found me.
I've always been a big fan of the program Wednesday's Child on Channel four and hosted by the wonderful Janice Huff. I'd been watching it for years my heart reaching out but the personal environment I created for myself was self-destructive. I had been rejected by my biological family who exerted abuse upon me from a very early age. They were a family who wanted me dead, so that I'd be silenced. I was thrown out into the world believing that abuse was a normal way of life. It took me many years to spiral out of the pre- imposed psychological pain. I could not have been a parent and was not blessed with my own children and I thank God for the wisdom in that decision. About three years ago I experienced a miracle. God found me and I have been a devout and practicing Christian ever since. I started a blog called How God Found Me which unveils this wonderful journey.
It's taken me and my husband Peter quite a few years to enjoy stability and love in our home to even understand what that was.
One day I visited to the Wednesdays' Child website. I was taken aback to find children of all ages. I was especially drawn to the adult children who were just at the age I was when I was thrown out into the world. I looked at some pictures. There was David, Dell, and Tim, and. I read their comments and I wept. They put into words what I had always been feeling. That need for a family, the idea that I too have a right to experience love and support and the hope that it's never too late.
Then it struck me these were the kids that I could have had at the age of 22 or 23. They could be the kids that I could have given up for adoption. I could find them again...a circle complete.
I signed up and waited for the adoption packets that were sent BAM.. and then I waited. I waited for about a week and wrote a letter to each of the children on how I was feeling about them. (Those letters shall remain private).
I've always been a big fan of the program Wednesday's Child on Channel four and hosted by the wonderful Janice Huff. I'd been watching it for years my heart reaching out but the personal environment I created for myself was self-destructive. I had been rejected by my biological family who exerted abuse upon me from a very early age. They were a family who wanted me dead, so that I'd be silenced. I was thrown out into the world believing that abuse was a normal way of life. It took me many years to spiral out of the pre- imposed psychological pain. I could not have been a parent and was not blessed with my own children and I thank God for the wisdom in that decision. About three years ago I experienced a miracle. God found me and I have been a devout and practicing Christian ever since. I started a blog called How God Found Me which unveils this wonderful journey.
It's taken me and my husband Peter quite a few years to enjoy stability and love in our home to even understand what that was.
One day I visited to the Wednesdays' Child website. I was taken aback to find children of all ages. I was especially drawn to the adult children who were just at the age I was when I was thrown out into the world. I looked at some pictures. There was David, Dell, and Tim, and. I read their comments and I wept. They put into words what I had always been feeling. That need for a family, the idea that I too have a right to experience love and support and the hope that it's never too late.
Then it struck me these were the kids that I could have had at the age of 22 or 23. They could be the kids that I could have given up for adoption. I could find them again...a circle complete.
I signed up and waited for the adoption packets that were sent BAM.. and then I waited. I waited for about a week and wrote a letter to each of the children on how I was feeling about them. (Those letters shall remain private).
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